THIS IS MY COLLEGE ESSAY, IS IT READY TO BE SENT TO COLLEGES?

That was very well written! Absolutely hilarious! I felt like I was reading the first chapter of a book actually. You're very quick-witted. The first thing an essay needs is the "hook." Something that draws the reader in and makes them want to keep reading. Yours was a great hook. I loved the quote of Murphy's Law and you tied in the rest of the essay nicely with the quote. The school will probably notice your good sense of humor and how laid-back you are.